Doing Afraid

Our long term goal for retirement was to sell the house in Cattlebaron Parc and move to Western North Carolina.  November 1, 2015 I took (gleefully so) early retirement from Hunt Oil Company, where I had worked for nearly 30 years.  

At that same time it became evident that my father-in-law, who was in his late 90's, needed someone full time to help him live out the remainder of his life.  He had all his mental faculties and was rather healthy for 97 years old, but time had taken his hearing and macular degeneration had taken his sight.  He wanted to stay in his own home and had no desire to move to an assisted living facility.  So, it was a no-brainer that Lovey and I needed to move to Midland, move in with Papa and help him have a comfortable life for however many years the Lord was going to give him.

We sold our home and estate-saled pretty much all we had.  Our possessions consist of a 10' x 10' storage unit. Papa's home was a two-story so Lovey and I moved in upstairs.  Talk about moving back in with your parent, HA!

Thus began our "retirement".  It was a blessing and an honor to take care of Papa.  It meant so much to us to help him pass on to his ever after and eternal home with God.  He went home on November 16, 2016 at the age of 98-1/2.

Since that time Lovey and I, at the suggestion of Father Jay, took our time to grieve and began our prayers on what to do with our future.  We still very much wanted to move to North Carolina as we loved it so and the lifestyle we would have there was how we wanted to live in our retirement.  At the same time it was important to us to do and be where the Lord wanted us to be.  My prayer life became constant; just waiting for an answer, a feeling, any little whisper from the Holy Spirit that we were making the right decision.

My parents are still alive.  The majority of my family are in Texas and Oklahoma. Should I move so far away from all of them?  So many fears began to creep into my psyche. We were afraid of doing something against the Lord's will; afraid of building our final home; afraid of being alone after one of us died first. Those fears began to paralize both of us.

Here we are two years after Papa's passing.  I know I am not going to receive an actual booming voice from God telling me, "Yes, go ahead with the plans you desire for yourselves. It's Okay, I approve". But from my prayers and conversations with God over the past 2-1/2 years, I am coming to realize that it's Okay to be afraid of the unknown that is ahead of us. I can rely on God and know that he is still going to be there to protect me and take care of me even when we make the wrong decisions.

So...we have decided to go ahead, to move forward and "do afraid". It's a scary move yet this rejuvenated trust I have in Jesus is going to make it an exciting adventure to see how the Lord will take care of us on this new journey.  

Pine Cone Zinnias

I love pine cones.  Since moving back to Midland in April of last year I've been picking them up because they are everywhere.  Papa has 3 big Japanese Pines that drop the most beautiful, large pine cones.  Most are 6 to 7 inches long with a circumference of about 11 inches at the top.  I literally have hundreds of these that I will be making swags for the holidays.

There are plenty of smaller ones from, what I believe are, Afghan pines.  They are smaller and these are the ones I used to make the zinnias.


Zinnias are one of my favorite flowers to grow then bring into the house all summer long.
I also love pine cones.  I ran across a photo of pine cones painted up as zinnias and I loved them.  It also seemed an easy enough craft for me to handle.


The color spectrum is so wide.  You can keep the color scheme true to flower colors or create your own color scheme;  I like the multi-colored scheme; the same I have in my garden.

I chose to prime mine with white acrylic paint from the craft store.

 

I chose a variety of acrylic colors and gave each "flower" two coats of paint.  With a little yellow and orange paint I gave each a little center.  A day after I finished painting them I gave them a couple coats of a clear, acrylic spray to shine them up a bit and protect their color.

 Once completely dry I used some heavy duty clippers and snipped the pine cones.  There are several ways you can snip these.  This one above, for example, was left with a 'tail' which would give it some support when stuck in with a bunch of other "flowers" in a bowl.  If you want to display them in a tall glass container you might want to snip the cone off flat where your color begins and place them in the jar facing out with the centers into the center.

I stuck mine in a wide mouthed bowl and set them on the coffee table.

And now I have a bowl full of flowers that I don't have to water.

I Feel Better When I'm Dancing

Miss Muffet had her first dance recital this past Summer.  I wasn't about to miss watching this little girl dance her heart out. And that's what she did.  She had so much fun; no stage fright for her! She relished in the moment.

Before the performance comes a lot of practice!

And, when big sister is trying to practice, little brother has to join in

Miss Muffet is the tiniest one on the stage.  She is in the middle of the front row of the group that comes out of the flats from house right (or stage left).



Miss Muffet and her friends. By the way, I loved yellow outfit for the Singing in the Rain number; it was so 1960's Gene Kelly meets Nancy Sinatra.


 
 Dancers and their spoils

 
 Is this not the most beautiful family?


 
 Mimi and her Miss Muffet


Although the recital was the catalyst that got me out of Midland, there were so many other precious moments that I brought home with me.

Getting to spend time with grandchildren is the best.  So many moments that make you proud, laugh, and so many times you just want to squeeze them to death.  I'm so grateful to have had those moments for a short time. 



Miss Snaggletooth
 

 You'll be there one day Buddy!

 Toot Toot!!

 Vrooooom!

 MM made the perfect apple pie for her dad

 Making the perfect vent holes

 Awww, a girl and her dog.

 Cheese!

Is she mimicking Mimi wearing her reading glasses?

 Captain America

 Calm down....it's root beer.

How do you like my new outfit?



Now that I am back home in West Texas I miss them so.

It's Hard To Say Goodbye

It's hard to let go of things. A drastic change in your life lends to drastic measures. I've had a big lesson in having to make decisions on what to let go of and what to hold on to. I know I shouldn't be so materialistic and admitting to myself that I am was the hardest hurdle to get over.


A year ago, Lovey and I made the decision to move to Midland and become caregivers to my father-in-law. Along with that decision came the decision to sell the house as well as most of our possessions and just start over once we retired 100%.



Why do we love things so much?  Is there really anything wrong with loving our things? Things were put here for us to enjoy, weren't they?



 

 

 

Whatever the real answer, this was something we wanted to do more than needed to do. So, we did it.  Once the house sold we brought in an Estate Sale company to organize, price and sell, sell, sell. 


 
Lovey reiterated that if something was sentimental, go ahead and keep it. Therein lies the problem because I am sentimental about most of my things. Yet, he's so willing to let go of things that have been such a big part of his life.  Broke my heart to see Lovey let go of some of his childhood memories.

Goodbye house. Hello packing and selling most of my possessions.
 

It was hard.  We loved this house. We loved the neighborhood.  A good friend of ours listed the house and it was sold within 2 weeks.  It absolutely killed me to think this house was not going to belong to us any more.  Especially since we worked for 5 years to find just the right location and get it built.

Getting to know the new owners and realizing they were a family that was passionate about making this their home made the medicine easier to swallow. They really love it and we also received a sweet letter from one of the daughters about what it would mean to her and her family if they could live in this house.

 

Saying goodbye to possessions was not nearly as sad as saying goodbye to a neighborhood, all of the dear neighbors and friendships that were nurtured. 

And oh, my goodness, it was so sad to leave our church home and church family.

So many doors closed and a whole world of unknown opened up before us.

A Fork In the Road

When I made my decision my vision became my release......

In October of 2015 I retired from Hunt Oil Company. Hired in 1986 it had become my second home as well as many of my co-workers becoming my extended family. As it has done in the past, the oil & gas industry took a turn for the worse and the company offered a very nice early retirement package to a select group of employees.  About 90 of us "oldsters" qualified for it and I jumped at the opportunity.

Although retirement came 5 or 6 years earlier than Lovey and I planned, what do you do?  
In the midst of deciding how to move forward the future blueprint of our lives quickly unfolded before us; whether we liked it or not.

My question of how will Lovey and I handle being in each other's business 24 -7 flew out the window when we realized there was a bigger issue we were going to have to deal with.

My father-in-law (who turned 98 this past April) still lives on his own in his own house but he now needs some help in order to maintain that lifestyle. Macular degeneration is his largest stumbling block. It has forced him to stop playing golf (which he played three days a week) and driving. It has also made it hard for him to cook for himself. He really needed someone 24-7 to help him.

Once in a vision
I came on some woods
And stood at a fork in the road
My choices were clear
Yet I froze with the fear
Of not knowing which way to go.

One road was simple
Acceptance of life
The other road offered sweet peace
When I made my decision
My vision became my release.

The road Lovey and I were to take was obvious and a no brainer.  It was time for us to leave Fort Worth and return to West Texas and move in with Papa so we could insure he was able to live out what ever time he had left on this earth in his own home and as normal as we could make it.

This is the fork in the road that we chose. And it is our introduction to being caregivers.

So, here I am trying to figure out this new role in life I have been handed. So far it has not been difficult because I adore Papa so taking care of him has not been an issue; it's simply what needs to be done. The hard part is figuring out how to not lose myself in all of this. To maintain a life of my own while giving all I have to someone else.

It's one thirty in the morning and it has begun to storm and the rain is coming down very hard. I think it sad that Papa, lying in his bed, can't hear the rain hit the roof.

Our 4th of July

Lovey and I celebrated the 4th by ourselves this year.  We still made it festive despite not having a big celebration planned with friends and family.

We decorated the front porch with buntings

Put out our flag

Made a little flower arrangement

And brought out the tea towels mother gave us.

We prepared food and ate like we were planning for a crowd to come over.

We feasted on ribs, North Carolina-style pulled pork with NC vinegar sauce, grilled corn on the cob, roasted potatoes, watermelon, peach ice cream, watermelon, watermelon cocktails, and more watermelon.

We watched A Capitol Fourth and the New York City fireworks on TV.

and ended the evening with a lot of fireworks in the neighborhood.  A very good day.  Happy Birthday America!!